Zechariah

What accountability looks like, 4:15 a.m. EST 12:15 a.m. Pacific

me:  ok

 Sarah:  that whenever we say things like

“im so confused”

“i dont understand how”

we make light of our sin

and try and justify it

Sarah:  by being taken aback that we would be, could be capable of that sin

and you shouldn’t be taken aback, you shouldn’t flatter yourself in thinking, how could i have sinned

cause you are capable of it and this is something that you clearly struggle with. so don’t let it surprise you

me:  i’m not as innocent as i construe myself to be. ok so face my sin and acknowledge my ugliest sides

 Sarah:  and think of yourself

being prone to fall to it at any time

which is why you need accountability

don’t think highly of yourself, think of yourself as vulnerable and capable of committing it again and feeling how you feel if you don’t get accountability

 me:  right

 Sarah:  and you think your sin is bad yea but you’ll really feel it when you gotta tell someone else about it

haha not me, cause you know i empathize with you

but someone who will be a little shocked

but loving

Sarah:  and its gonna be annoying

when you get accountability

but that person is not going to let you fall into that again

 me:  why can’t u be here

 Sarah:  you gotta talk to someone who you see often

hahah cause

we’d just be like

“its okay, i understand, don’t do it again”

to each other

hahahahaha

 me:  lol

so true

 Sarah:  vs ppl around us who won’t empathize so much but

keep us free from it

Sarah:  so

who are you going to tell this to

who can hold you accountable

cause if you dont

it could very easily happen again

NOW

  Jesus

died for that sin

no matter

how many times it happens

grace ABOUNDS

you are drowning in grace

and Jenny, He is more committed to your growth

and your sanctification

waaay more committed to you

than you are to you

He loves you, more than you love you

which is why He wants you to wait for something better

because God wants that for you

you will fail again

and God knows

and that’s okay

but, it will be His strength

that helps you

its just training our bodies to say yes to the Holy Spirit

no to ourselves

He loves you

He died for you

He died for that sin

and would do it again

grace abounds

you’re drowning in it

God is bigger than your sin

but He did send Jesus to the cross for it

.

.

.

.

Sarah Sejung Kim. Who are you.

Doesn’t matter, I love you. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves us.

I am so humbled right now.

And… now I need to find immediate accountability… someone harsh, but loving.

Nahum = comfort

So, I’m not gonna lie, these past couple of months, especially weeks, and now.. have been quite difficult to process. NOTHING is going right in life. nothing…. I mean, the one Chevron gas station I usually go to changed to VALERO. cheap. And as sad as this may sound, that gas station was sort of my last dwindling standing pride because I’m quite the miser, and that Chevron serviced quality gas for affordable cash. 

——— okay that post above has nothing related to what I’m about to write ———-

So I’m in the book of Nahum, and recognized that his name is similar to Nehemiah’s; both circumscribe around comfort. But it’s not just any transient comfort, it’s God’s everlasting comfort. Oh boy, how much I need His comfort. Now. now. now. so I scrambled onward, excited to soak in whatever bit of His comfort I can get as I delved into Nahum…

ONLY TO FIND that the entire book is about Lord’s judgement on Nineveh for being a wretched city, and to make things merrier, the book ends with the city’s destruction.

And I was slow to realize that this is quite a comforting book b/c it shed light that God selectively gives comfort to only those who are on His side, and oppose those who are against Him.

“The Lord is good, 
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him…” v.7

So um, what does it mean to “be on His side”… selflessly speaking/thinking?

Birthday

So now with my facebook deactivated, my attention pivots to my only online medium: this blog. I guess it allows me to reflect and blog about an event, without a mere “check-in” ghostly capturing all the memories, faces, images, and feelings associated with an event.

I begin with the first picture stored in my phone, and hence will be the first blog about my life event since it’s the first picture I have in my iphone (i got it for my bday :) ).

Spending the last 2 birthdays in oblivion, I wanted to really put effort and thought into my most recent birthday. Why? Well, because I am finally reunited with most of my closest friends. 

Being the foodie that I am, I decided to create a 포장마차 in my very own house with 20 lbs of 삼겹살, 떡볶이, 우동국, 닭도리, and bottles of 소주, 막걸리, wine, and champagne. 

With over 20 people crammed into my house, we had a merry time cooking, eating, drinking, talking, and laughing :) And of course, we ended up doing what I like to do best: play games.

Oh, and I received 3 delicious cakes, with Sally’s of course, being the best. She’s a phenomenal pastry chef who, yes, baked at Alexander’s Steakhouse, and quit the job on her own accord. What a cool gal. And, what a privilege it is to be her friend away from her baking abilities ;) Hers is the one on the top left corner with macaroons embroidering her FLOUR-LESS chocolate cake. Yes, flour-less. Meaning, she whipped eggs for however long, almost making a souffle consistency. How amazing is she?? The cake just melts in your mouth….

I wish I could’ve taken more pictures, but seriously, they’d only be pictures of food food food. I am thankful for last year :) It’s a stark contrast from how I spent it in the east coast, but joyful at both times, nonetheless ~

3 a.m. emotional post

Le sigh.

I should be thankful for hardships because they inadvertently sweeten triumphant times.

But I’m not thankful. 

They say hardships are blessings in disguise, but that’s just another excuse to sugarcoat real, raw, uncomfortable yet necessary emotions.

Hardships are hardships.

I should be thankful for being independent.

But I’m not thankful.

My independency has built impenetrable walls among (close) people…. always searching for my own comfort, my own niche, over others.

I should be thankful for being me.

But I’m not thankful.

Because in the end, I’m always reminded that I am a wretched sinner, constantly needing God’s grace and love to actually feel worthy. Vicious cycle.

Save your theology, knowledge, and what have you not for someone else.

Just leave me be. So what if I am cold, ambivalent, aloof, and bitter? Give me space and time to struggle with my depraved humanity that God created.  

What? You feel uncomfortable that I don’t seem spiritually sound?

Oh please, I feel even more uncomfortable with the fact you feel uncomfortable with the perfectly valid word, “EMOTIONAL,” in the first place. Mull over it. 

Joel “The Lord is God”

Whizzed through book of Joel, and it seemed like the movie 2012… only there were no Noah’s arks made in China.

Only the raw truth: Restoration & blessing will come only after judgment & repentance.

*shudder…

Almost all the time, it’s painful and shameful to read the Bible. 

The UNSETTLED feeling when….

• cocoa powder has stubbornly compacted at the bottom of your mug 
• offered yogurt, only to register that the best part (the lid) has been discarded
• leaving the gym while regretting not pushing the last reps
• staring at fresh bird poop on your window while forcedly driving only to excruciatingly watch it harden.
• watching gchat’s “…. typing” while nervously anticipating a crucial response
• awaiting a long-waited text response 
• stuck between a rock and a hard place in terms of relationships
• straddling between if’s and why not’s in a boy/girl relationship
• ironically you’re settling (oxymoron) in a boy/girl relationship
• there’s constantly a 50% “deficit” slice in your pie chart titled, “Success”
• others seem to be faring better than you
• realizing that you were filed as dependent, and now you’re claiming as independent
• knowing that soon parents will be claimed as dependents
• you’re feeling alone in this world

SETTLED knowing: God purposely placed these unsettled notions to show how unsettling and transient our time and existence are on this earth.

FINALLY… onto [book of] Daniel

The theological theme of this book is summarized in 4:17; 5:21: “The Most High (God) is sovereign over the kingdoms of men.” Daniel’s visions always show God as triumphant. The climax of his sovereign rules is described in Revelations: “The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Christ (i.e., Messiah, ‘Anointed One’), and he will reign forever and ever.” - Rev 11:15, Da 2:44, 7:27)

Literary Form:

The book is made up primarily of historical narrative & apocalyptic (revelatory) material. The latter may be defined as symbolic, visionary, prophetic literature, usually composed during oppressive conditions and being chiefly eschatological in theological content. Apocalyptic literature is primarily a literature of encouragement to the people of God. 

[Reference: Study Bible]

I’m sort of excited to read this book, but at the same time, afraid.

Nothing is a Coincidence

I’ve been stuck in the book of Ezekiel for the longest time (6 months)! Those six months reflect my darkest moments sopped with spiritual turmoil, angst, sins, etc. 

And it didn’t help that every time I opened the Bible to Ezekiel, God’s righteous wrath slapped me in the face each time. Now, I realize….

Nowhere in the Bible are God’s initiative and control expressed more clearly and persuasively than in the book of Ezekiel. From the first chapter, which graphically describes the overwhelming invasion of the divine presence into Ezekiel’s world, to the last phrase of Ezekiel’s vision, the book sounds and echoes God’s sovereignty. 

This sovereign God resolved that he would be known and acknowledged through the fall of Jerusalem and the destruction of the temple to teach the nations that they will likewise know God through his judgements. Yet, He promises that He will be known through the restoration and spiritual renewal of Israel.

God’s total sovereignty is also evident in his mobility. He is not limited to the temple in Jerusalem. He can respond to his people’s sin by leaving his sanctuary in Israel, and he can graciously condescend to visit his exiled children in Babylon.

God is free to judge, and he is equally free to be gracious. His stern judgements on Israel ultimately reflect his grace. He allows the total dismemberment of Israel’s political and religious life so that her renewed life and his presence with her will be clearly seen as a gift from the Lord of the universe.

Here’s the parallelism and empathy I felt with Isreal’s depravity:

Other prophets deal largely with Isreal’s idolatry, with her moral corruption in public and private affairs, and with her international intrigues and alliances on which she relied instead of the Lord. They announce God’s impending judgement on his rebellious nation but speak also of a future redemption: a new exodus, a new covenant, a restored Jerusalem, a revived Davidic dynasty, a worldwide recognition of the Lord and his Messian and a paradise-like peace. 

The contours and sweep of Ezekiel’s message are similar, but he focuses uniquely on Israel as the holy people of the holy temple, the holy city and the holy land. By defiling her worship, Israel has rendered herself unclean and had defiled temple, city, and land. From such defilement God could only withdraw and judge his people with national destruction.

* But God’s faithfulness to his covenant and his desire to save were so great that he would revive his people once more; shepherd them with compassion; cleanse them of all their dirtiness; reconstitute them as a perfect expression of his kingdom under the hand of “David”; overwhelm all the forces and powers arrayed against them; display his glory among the nations; and restore the glory of his presence to the holy city.

Ezekiel powerfully depicts the grandeur and glory of God’s sovereign rule and his holiness, which he jealously safeguards. The book’s theological center is the unfolding of God’s saving purposes in the history of the world - from the time in which he must withdraw from the defilement of his covenant people to the culmination of his grand design of redemption. The message of Ezekiel, which is ultimately eschatological, anticipates - even demands - God’s future works in history proclaimed by the NT.

Reference: NIV Study Bible